We all have been there at some point in life – going overboard emotionally even with the most trivial issues. Someone says something hurtful to us, and we start apologising incessantly, taking too much emotional burden upon ourselves than needed. If you say sorry too often, you must know that the habit of apologising too much may stem from various reasons like having low self-esteem, being overly vulnerable or sensitive, and taking things personally, to name a few. It may also make you feel low on self-confidence at all times. That’s because you always stay alert and keep a close check on your words and actions without allowing yourself the freedom to be transparent. If that’s you, this one is for you!
People can have varying reasons for why they over-apologize. It can stem from a lack of conviction or assuredness in their approach. It could be due to low self-esteem and confidence. It might be on account of previous experiences where a person has had significant adverse interactions. It could also be a habit that has developed over the years,” says Dr Chhibber.
Over-apologizing can take away from the other person’s sense of responsibility and accountability in a situation. It could make a person take more ownership than what is needed and lead to a cycle of negative self-evaluation and dislike for the self. It can impact moods and quality of life, says the expert.
There are ways you can stop over-apologizing:
Acting on your impulses emotionally is not a wise thing to do. When we feel clouded by negative emotions, we tend to choose our actions based on those thoughts that we can see from a very small perspective. Try to get your intelligent mind working, zoom out to view the larger picture of your situation, and act accordingly. In other words, develop a practical outlook towards a situation. “Take a pragmatic outlook on the situation. Understand what was your responsibility and what was the other’s,” reckons the expert.
Work on your individual self and develop greater conviction in your thoughts, ideas and approach. Take initiative to build on skills and make proactive efforts to do better. We mostly feel low on self-confidence, and hence we tend to justify everything wrong in our lives by finding flaws in ourselves. Work on becoming a sure-footed person in life, and you will become better equipped to handle emotional challenges easily.
Instead of thinking of the outcome, we should start focusing on our efforts in situations, and detach ourselves from the outcome. Determine what best we can do to rectify the current situation, and stop attaching yourself to the results.
Some words uttered by others trigger our insecurities, and our apologies. Work on strengthening yourself, and eliminating those triggers to stop the habit of over-apologizing.
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Instead of being so sorry, you can do this:
1. Evaluate what you could do differently.
2. Assess what skills you could build in situations.
3. Determine how you could garner support and be more confident and assured in what you do.