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Leaving the past behind is important to live a happy and healthy life. We may often hear this piece of advice, but most often, it’s easier said than done, especially when it comes to relationships. It may be hard sometimes to let go of your partner’s past, making it difficult to build a healthy relationship.
Is it alright to be insecure about your partner’s past? No! Insecurity can never be right. It might become a reason for an unstable relationship between you and your partner, replete with trust issues and arguments.
You must keep in mind every new relationship needs a fresh start. Although it’s not always simple, you have to know that everyone has baggage and the past cannot be changed. Worrying about what mistakes they may have made in their past relationship won’t make your connection any better.
Give them the benefit of the doubt unless there are obvious red flags, like if they have cheated on their ex or if there’s a history of violence. Try building a healthy connection with your partner on the basis of how they treat you now.
Psychiatrist Dr. Sarthak Dave shared his thoughts on how to let go of your partner’s past in an Instagram post.
According to the expert, letting go is not the right word to use as when we let go of something. It implies that we are superior to or in a higher position than the other person. In a relationship there should be no superior or inferior. Both the partners should be equal and thus, one cannot “let go” of the other’s past.
The best way is to accept what they have gone through. Whatever they have endured in their past, has made them a person they are now, the person you’ve fallen in love with. There’s nothing wrong with a person having a past. It’s a process you can’t question. It would be better to accept it positively and then only you’ll be able to build a strong bond with them.
Communication is the key. We usually go silent or get into a shell thinking that we’re doing well for our relationship while giving a silent treatment to the other. But all this keeps getting bottled up, until it finally gets released in the form of extreme anger. Either we get extremely silent or extremely angry. But are these the only two ways to deal with the problem? Absolutely not! There’s a third way out too and that is to communicate. To discuss it maturely and let the other person know what’s making you insecure and try finding a solution to it, is the smarter way out.
Put yourself in their shoes and think what you would’ve done if you were in their position. Consider whether it would be simple for you to go through the same. This will help you know how much honesty it requires for them to open up to you and trust you. This may help you to recognise how much your partner values and considers your feelings.
There are a lot of things to consider when it comes to how you can accept your partner’s past and move on. Once you get to know about the relationship that they had previously, it may be natural to feel insecure. But at the end of the day, it is up to you to handle it maturely.
If, however, you find yourself struggling for a long time, it’s better to visit a therapist or relationship expert to guide you.