How to communicate during conflict in your relationship: 6 effective tips

Facing conflicts in any relationship is normal, but matters may take a turn for the worse when we fail to handle the situation wisely. The most important aspect is a mature communication in those heated-up moments. Sometimes, both the people involved rile up and get dragged into an unhealthy row. Such persistent fights can feel toxic and can rob away peace of mind, hampering the way you function in everyday life. However, when you learn the art of healthy communication, you can resolve conflicts without letting the fight cause much damage. Knowing how to communicate during conflict in your relationship, can be a key to a happy and healthy bond.

How to communicate during conflict?

Conflicts are healthy once in a while, but the way you act and react to it can make or break a situation. If you choose to look at the bigger picture, you can see it as an opportunity to come out wiser and stronger. A fight, if seen in a positive light, can strengthen the bond in any relationship.

Health Shots reached out to clinical psychologist Dr Kamna Chhibber and emotional intelligence life coach Shivam for key tips on how to communicate during conflict.

1. Respond and not react

“Conflicts are important for growth in any relationship. But when you react impulsively to situations and conflicts, you do more damage than good. Try working on how you can respond better through deep breathing, holding yourself back or inner work,” suggests Shivam.

Try to catch hold of your impulses because, in a heated argument, they make you say things you never intended to say or act like you never would have otherwise acted.

2. Work on your insecurities

Sometimes when our insecurities are triggered, we end up reacting very strongly instead of understanding the situation. By working on your insecurities, you can manage it better.

Something wrong said by the opposite person can trigger sad emotions and parts of ourselves we are most insecure about. There is always room for growth and learning by working on becoming a more confident person. That way, you won’t feel offended by anything said impulsively by the person you had a conflict with.

3. Know your past traumas and triggers

“Our conditioning and past shape us the way we are in the present moment. Understanding your traumas can help you a lot to communicate effectively,” suggests Shivam.

Also read: Sex therapy: Why it may save your relationship and how does it work

4. Use assertive language and not defensive/aggressive

Assertive communication goes a long way in helping you manage your conflicts from a neutral point of view. Mind your tongue and think twice before saying something hurtful to the opposite person.

5. Step back from an active conflict to contemplate

“Take a step back when there is an active conflict. Ensure that you are calm before you engage further,” says Dr Kamna Chhibber. We have always heard that a wound never heals if it is touched time and again. Similarly, an active conflict can inflict harm upon our minds and sad emotions become superior causing more harm. It’s better to give yourself some time by stepping back and looking from a larger lens.

6. Discuss only the matter at hand

Stick to the situation that is prevalent at the moment and don’t add issues or situations from the past. Do not make personalized remarks about the character or personality of the person based on any bad past experiences.

When the storm settles, talk about the problem and the possible solutions for it. Be willing to build perspective by listening to what the other has to share. And, be collaborative and not dictatorial in your approach.

With these practical and effective tips to navigate communication during conflict, you can reach a healthy space in your relationship.