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You might be going through a heartbreak or you haven’t found the right person yet, or maybe you are simply separated from your soul mate. Whatever the case may be, the month of “love” is here, and I know this can be a lonely period for some of us, especially during a pandemic.
Celebrating Valentine’s day alone can feel like a daunting task, because the world makes you believe that you are missing out on life if you don’t have that ‘special someone’. But how about dating yourself? Yes ladies, it’s time to start promoting the idea of self-dating.
Self-dating? Trust me, it is not as scary as it sounds. In fact, this way of finding self-love is probably one of the most liberating experiences anyone can utilise to tackle feelings of self-doubt, worthlessness and loneliness. That’s because we’ve all been there, and as a recovering addict I know this all too well myself.
Here are three ways to enjoy self-dating the sexy brilliant way:
As someone who has been addicted to online dating, and finding love outside of myself, I realised that my affinity to these things existed, because I was trying to fill a void whilst seeking external validation.
Once my arranged marriage came to an end, I was lonely and sought anything that made me feel a little fulfilled. As someone who has been raised with traditional family values, I truly believed that my worth came from being in a ‘relationship’. To become an authentic, happy, confident and brilliant version of yourself, I know that self-exploration is one of the biggest factors in your journey of self-discovery.
Learning about yourself, your likes and dislikes all contribute to how you build your worth. This is one of the benefits of being single, it pushes you to make yourself happy and be the best partner for yourself. So what does it mean to plan a night out for yourself? It means looking into your wardrobe and pulling out that gorgeous outfit that you preserved for a special occasion and wearing it out. Remember that YOU are the special occasion. It means treating yourself to a few hours at the bookstore or taking meditation classes away from the distractions of the outside world. It means loving yourself unconditionally.
There is no rule that says love should be celebrated on one day in a specific month. February 14th is just another day. Being kind to yourself and others should be a daily occurrence. Instead of allowing the world to make you feel valued on just this one day, we should make Valentine’s day an everyday glory. Love is beautiful and it is meant to be celebrated 365 days a year (sometimes 366). As a full time single mother, I know that family, friends, colleagues and the memories created from these relationships are the real treasures.
Create your own rules, adjust the way you perceive people, and celebrate the highs and the lows. Mindfully celebrate every light thing, whilst loving yourself enough to know that you are more than just a “holiday special”.
There is a saying I like to go by, which I created in my journey of self-discovery. “Sometimes I meditate, sometimes I masturbate, either way I find myself.” There has been an ongoing misconception about sex and pleasure, specifically that it requires two people in order for maximum pleasure to be achieved.
Part of learning and discovering self-love involves the discovery of your body and what feels good for you. Your body is capable of producing sexual pleasure because you are a sexual being and this is such an empowering energy to transmute and even release. By taking control of your pleasure and what you want to achieve from your body means you are claiming your right to what you truly want.
By exploring our bodies, we are reaffirming body positivity because of the intimacy we are engaging in with ourselves, and we are creating a sense of awareness about holistic health surrounding self-love, confidence, beauty and sexiness. Know yourself, know your body and have a loving relationship with yourself, and whether you are single or in a loving sexual relationship, be willing to find pleasure with your body.
Good solo sex is better than bad sex with someone.
Valentine’s day, like any other day, can be wonderful to celebrate especially with loved ones, but it can be a stressful time when we find ourselves alone. Working on personal development, self-knowledge and radical self-acceptance allows us to be more confident in ourselves whilst exploring the benefits that extend to being more kind to our being and that of others.