3 reasons you should stop comparing your relationship to others

Comparing your relationship to other couples and living every day in the perception that others are leading better lives, may put your love life in jeopardy. A mental health expert tells you three convincing to stop comparisons right away!

mind games in a relationship
Comparing your relationship to other couples is not healthy. Image courtesy: Shutterstock
Kamna Chibber Updated on: 27 November 2022, 12:55 pm IST
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Relationships form an integral part of our lives. They tend to be the pieces which contribute towards our happiness and satisfaction and people can often find themselves in a quandary when things may not seem to be going so well in them. In evaluating where the problems may be stemming from, a person may realize that often it is not just about what is going wrong within the context of the dynamic two people share with each other that problems are emerging. Instead, it may be linked to the ways in which one may be evaluating things when comparing and contrasting to what may be perceived as the life that is being led by others which contributes to the problems. That’s when you know why you need to stop comparing your relationship to seek the true joy that lies in love.

Stopping these evaluations with others and their relationships is rather important as comparisons can significantly impact the quality of the relationship you have with your partner. Here are the reasons which explain how the impact happens which makes it necessary to alter these patterns.

couple fights
You are likely to fight more if you compare your partner to another. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

3 reasons why you must stop comparing your relationship

Here are the reasons which explain the impact of comparing a relationship with other couples, or comparing your partner:

1. Breakdown of communication

When comparisons become rampant in your relationship, a breakdown or lack in communication can easily occur. This happens on account of the circularity that can emerge in conversations where a partner experience the comments coming from you as being repetitive, nagging and even triggering.

This can lead a partner to want to avoid being in situations where such comments occur or can also lead to greater levels of disruption in interactions.

2. An increase in conflicts:

When you utilize others around you as a reference point, comparisons become a norm and can easily lead to conflicts between your partner and you. These conflicts emerge because your partner may not be able to find and provide solutions, and a stalemate can arise when you bring up your displeasure with what you feel does not exist in your relationship.

Also read: Is there a ‘right’ way to fight with your partner?

relationship problems
Being discontent in a relationship is not worth it. Celebrate what you have. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

3. Overall rise in discontentment:

In such a situation, without realizing, you may find yourself feeling rather dissatisfied and discontent with how things are in your relationship. You may evaluate the quality of the life you are leading with your partner in a more negative manner than may be warranted by the situations that truly exist. As a result, you can begin to wonder why you are with the person you are with and it would impact the quality of your significantly by taking away the good moments that did occur as well.

How to stop comparing your relationship?

Work towards preventing yourself from making unnecessary comparisons. Being aspirational is helpful but it needs to be within the context of what is achievable within the context of your relationship. Bring gratitude for what you do have and focus on the good that does exist within your relationship.

Focus on the strength of what you have built with your partner. There can be challenges in any relationship and it is important to work on them consistently but not by comparing your relationship to others. Instead look at what holds greater meaning and value for you and work towards enhancing those aspects in your relationship with your partner.

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About the Author
Kamna Chibber Kamna Chibber

Kamna Chibber is the Head of Department, Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, Fortis Memorial Research Institute, Gurugram

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