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We are surrounded by all kinds of people; some are good, others bad, ugly, and toxic. It is easy to identify most of them, but challenges creep in while recognising toxic ones. Either it’s too late or you’ve never been able to figure it out. That’s because they are manipulative and great at playing with your emotions. What’s more, they instil a kind of trust, making you lean on them in a big way.
Unfortunately, here’s where most of us fail, and that’s why we want you to know the kinds of toxic people, so that you can stay away from them.
First of all, do you know why this exercise is important? That’s because it is emotionally draining to be around a toxic person. They’ll squeeze out all your energy, and thrive on it. All this will eventually take a toll on your emotional well-being, which in any way is not a good thing. Plus, there is no point in befriending a person, who is so self-engrossed and toxic that they can’t invest in you and your well-being.
Now you know why we want you to be cautious of such people.
Call them narcissists or self-absorbed, but such people can never be your well-wishers or friends. That’s because they don’t have time or energy to invest in you.
“There are some people who do not know how to give importance to others. They will talk about themselves, but never ask you about your condition; they will only think of you when they need you or are facing some issues. When in a relationship, these people will end up being completely self-centred, and will never be attentive to your needs,” explains Dr Khemani.
Some people always talk negatively about everyone, compelling you to think in a similar way. They mask themselves so well that you gradually start giving all the importance to them. But, ultimately, you will not get any positive outcome from such friendships. Their viewpoints are such that they can inject fear and concern, even when there’s no need.
These are the ones we think are most dangerous of them all. That’s because for envious people, the grass is always greener on the other side. Even when something great happens to them, they don’t derive any satisfaction from it. This is because they measure their fortune against the world’s, when they should be deriving their satisfaction from within. Spending too much time around envious people is dangerous because they teach you to trivialise your own accomplishments.
People who manipulate others for their needs squeeze out all your time and energy, under the façade of friendship. They can be tricky to deal with, because they treat you like friends. They know what you like, what makes you happy, and what you think is funny, but the difference is they use this information, as part of a hidden agenda. Manipulators always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it’s all about taking something away from you, with little to no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over, just so they can manipulate you.
We hope you aren’t friends with any of the above. In case you are, these tips by Dr Khemani will help you deal with them.
Toxic people have a tendency to want to control others as well as situations. Trying to set limits or boundaries will get you nowhere; they see it as a personal challenge.
But you can set limits on the things you can control. Don’t invest too much time or energy on toxic people. Keep interactions brief and the topics light.
Recognizing that people are toxic should be the first step toward detaching yourself from their words and actions. Toxic people only have the power to upset you, if you let them upset you. Even if you can’t distance yourself physically, you always have the power to distance yourself emotionally.
Maintaining emotional distance requires awareness. You can’t stop someone from pushing your buttons, if you don’t recognize when it’s happening. Sometimes, you’ll find yourself in situations, where you’ll need to regroup and choose the best way forward. This is fine and you shouldn’t be afraid to buy yourself some time to do so.
If you focus on actions to improve yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy.
When it comes to toxic people, fixating on how crazy and difficult they’re, gives them power over you. Quit thinking about how difficult the person is, and instead focus on how you’re going to go about handling them. This increases your sense of control, reducing the amount of stress you experience when interacting with them.
So ladies, don’t let anyone intrude on your emotional space just like that. It’s time you identify the toxicity around you, and kick it out of your life.