A top psychologist reveals 10 tips for couples who are always fighting

Ladies, to be honest, gone are those days when people would assume couples who love each other fight the most. Because it frankly sounds quite illogical! We are humans and have all kinds of emotions, including anger. Sometimes, when you are upset or angry, there are certain things you say that can end up in a fight with your spouse.

The next time you find yourself in such a situation, try out these 10 relationship tips. We promise it’s going to help!

1. Always pause before saying anything

During a fight, in the heat of the moment, it is tough to process your thoughts or frame things properly, before communicating. It will help to take a break before you voice your thoughts. This will ensure that you say things objectively and avoid any negative words. However difficult this may sound, it is the only way to ensure you don’t make matters worse.

2. Going to bed angry is okay sometimes

“Many people suggest that you should never go to bed in an angry state, but contrary to popular belief, sometimes when partners sleep over the matter, it gives them a better perspective around the fight or argument,” says Dr Ishita Mukerji, clinical director and senior psychologist, Kaleidoscope.

It might feel like the matter is not important enough at that point in time, but when one decides to resolve it at a later date, it proves to be better for both partners. It allows them to clear their thoughts and make sure they resume the conversation with a fresh state of mind,” she suggests.

3. Try and find humour

A good sense of humour is an incredibly attractive quality, something that people look for in others when finding a relationship. If the same can be applied to a certain degree in fights, the intensity of the situation will dissolve to an extent. It also depends on the nature of the conflict, but a dash of humour can really help.

4. Describe your feelings, rather than blaming your partner

When you feel you are right in an argument, it becomes almost tempting to impose your perspective on your partner, so as to ensure they understand you. However, sometimes while doing this, the entire conversation comes across as accusatory and ends up in a blame game. It inevitably puts your partner in defensive mode. Instead, the best way to move forward is to communicate how you feel, and not play the victim card.

Also read: Here are 4 ways in which overthinking is sabotaging your relationship

5. Avoid a digital fight

Texts have a way to get misconstrued and are misleading, as they lack expression. It may be a quick medium, and convenient to just text, since we do not have to face the other person physically. But ladies, the problem becomes even bigger, because it can be misunderstood and how! If you don’t want to address it physically or can’t, try and at least have a video chat.

6. Address the issue that is constantly bothering you

“It can be tempting to let little things slide in romantic relationships; and of course, sometimes that makes sense. But if you notice that your partner often does things that irk you, it is worthwhile to bring them up — even if the things you’re upset about seem trivial! Maybe you’ll feel disrespected or unseen if the scenario continues for long,” advises Dr Mukerji.

7. Accept that some level of conflict is inevitable

When two different people are living under the same roof or sharing a large part of their lives, then it is almost impossible to avoid friction. If both the partners can accept that and take things with a pinch of salt, it will be easier to let small, irrelevant arguments pass.

8. Speak in ‘I’ rather than ‘You’

Saying “I’m hurt” or “I am really upset” instead of “you are at fault” or “it’s your mistake” will always lead to a more productive conversation. That’s because it will not put your partner in defensive mode, and the chances of being heard also increase. To express how you feel, you must discuss the potential solution together rather than blaming your partner. It will also instil an idea of a strong partnership, thereby leading to a healthier relationship.

9. Avoid character assault

Name-calling or using negative words for each other is taking the fight too far. There is a thin line one must be conscious about, which should never be crossed. Sometimes, it gets difficult to return from the point, when you lose respect in your partner’s eyes.

10. Consider couples’ counselling to learn healthy fighting

“It is not a bad idea to consider couples’ therapy if there are recurring fights. A couples’ counsellor can help you understand where your partner’s issues are coming from. It will also create a space for you to air your concerns and re-connect,” concludes Dr Mukerji.