‘Bennifer’ is all over tabloids and social media, as well as an intrinsic part of dinner table conversations — after all, this is the stuff that dreams are made of. The reunion of old flames Jennifer Lopez (aka JLo) and Ben Affleck has made everyone sit up and take notice, because c’mon, who would have imagined this to happen after 20 odd years? But it leaves us with another question – is rekindling romance with an ex a good idea for one’s emotional health?
Now, don’t get us wrong — we are oh-so-happy, but utterly confused at the same time! Even if we think of getting back with an ex, what’s the best way to go about it?
Well, fret not! As always, we are here to help you out!
Honestly, it really depends. Of course, there must be a reason why you and your ex had broken up, but the desire to get back into each other’s lives is pretty normal. As humans, we are wired for attachment, and when it’s someone who already knows us really well, we seek that comfort. That’s because starting from scratch is much harder, right? Whatever be your argument, it’s important you know why you want to get back with them. And no, comfort is NOT enough.
Also, even if you decide to rekindle a romantic relationship with an ex, you must ensure that no toxic feelings or negativity prevails. Otherwise that can be injurious to your emotional health.
“There is no doubt that it’s very tempting to be with an ex, but the fact is one must definitely weigh the pros and cons, before diving in. You must be confident of your choice. Even if you fail, it doesn’t matter but be sure if you are fixated on the idea of getting back with your ex, or if you really want to. Sometimes, it isn’t easy to love a person in the same way again,” says Akansha Jayaraman, a Chennai-based psychologist.
Once you’ve decided to take the plunge, here are some things to keep in mind for the sake of your emotional health:
We know you must have broken up for a solid reason in the past, but now that you have decided to go for it, don’t preempt things. Accept the past, and give your ex a second chance. After all, no relationship is perfect, and sometimes, you need to take a leap of faith. Do not rush into anything; take your time and relax. It’s a journey, so take each day as it comes.
“Although harping on what went wrong in the past is not a good idea, it is always important to learn from your mistakes. For instance, if you realised that lack of communication was what caused most of the issues earlier, work on that aspect this time around. Set your boundaries and decide what’s your threshold. Your ex could do the same. You both need to have an honest discussion around this, so that no one is left assuming in the future,” says Jayaraman.
It could be that your ex had done something in the past that left a sour taste in your mouth. But if you are willing to give them a chance again, be ready to forgive them. In case you don’t, it is bound to come up, every single time you have an argument. It could then get ugly, and that’s the last thing you want. Having old wounds is natural, but it’s important to speak about them with your ex respectfully, so that you don’t perpetuate an unhealthy cycle.