6 red flags that your past is affecting your present love life

They say your first love will always be special. But sometimes things don’t work out and you part ways. You might find another partner later in life, but there are times it gets difficult to move on. Past relationship issues can sometimes come in the way and cause problems in your current one. Read on to find out the signs that indicate your past relationship is affecting your new one.

Dealing with a break-up can be difficult. Some people may find it harder than others to move on from the relationship and tend to hold on to it cognitively and emotionally, notes Mimansa Singh Tanwar, Clinical Psychologist, Head Fortis School Mental Health Program, Fortis National Mental Health Program.

The tendency to keep brooding about what lead to it, why it happened, did they do something wrong, were they not good enough for their partner are some of the common thought patterns that keeps them fixated in the past. And so, the person continues to swirl in the feelings of anger, love, disappointment, sadness or pain.

Signs your past relationship is affecting new one

People who tend to define themselves (or their sense of identity) more with the relationship are the ones who feel that they have lost a part of their own self and find it difficult to let go, says the expert. Here are some red flags:

1. Lack of trust

Bad experiences in a past relationship can lead to worries about similar occurrence in the new relationship. As a result, the person can find it difficult to trust the new partner and can jump to negative conclusions about situations with the loved one.

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2. Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem or lack of confidence due to a failed relationship, can often create negative self-image. Due to this, the person often struggles with feelings of “I am not likeable” or “not good enough”. The person may either seek a lot of assurance or engage in conflicts over small issues.

3. Comparisons

Each partner and each relationship are different. Inability to appreciate the uniqueness and comparing either the past relationship or the attributes of the partner with the new one can create difficult adjusting in the new one.

4. Fear of the unknown

Fear of what the future may hold, how the new partner would be, whether their values, attributes or interests would be compatible or not can lead to difficulty in starting a new relationship.

5. Attachment style

People who tend to develop a strong bond and deep connection in their relationships can find it challenging to let go. This may affect the new relationship too.

6. Romantic pre-occupations

Some people find themselves pre-occupied with romantic experiences of their past relationship which may come in the way to establish the new relationship effectively, says Tanwar.

How to deal with a broken relationship?

It is important to have a healthy approach towards dealing with loss of a relationship. While recognising and acknowledging the emotional impact, understand that breaking of a relationship is simply a part of life. That one relationship doesn’t define your whole life or you. There are many more aspects to what defines you as as individual. You have skills, abilities, other relationships with family and friends that you can be proud of. It’s all about maintaining a positive self-esteem and take it as a learning experience.