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An argument is a phased out process. It almost always starts as a conversation but evolves into a messy and heated discussion in which harsh words may be exchanged in the heat of the moment. These harsh words can hurt the people arguing with each other and can create a rift in their relationship. Therefore, to avoid such scenarios, it’s important for you to learn the trick of putting your point across without demeaning or disrespecting the other person.
To be able to put your thoughts across and be heard is gratifying, empowering and makes one feel valued. It’s also important that when you are communicating, the other person is listening intently and respecting your thoughts. Communication and listening is a two-way street so to have a successful conversation, one should be open to listening more and speaking less.
According to Pranami Bordoloi, clinical psychologist at Kaleidoscope (a unit of Global Excellence Group), always take into account whether it’s the right time to initiate a particular conversation. We often assume that communication is all about making yourself heard but this is only half of it as to hear each other is equally important. Ask your respective partner, “is it a good time to talk,” because if they are not listening it is as good as having a conversation with a mirror. The same approach applies to you as well, your mental presence in a conversation initiated by someone else is critical for effective communication.
“The purpose is not just to make your point in front of your partner but to reach the conclusion. Many times we tend to flow into the conversation and drift apart from the main points so try to slow it down, edit it down, and stop and ask for feedback. Make communication a two-way path,” recommends Ms. Bordoloi.
If the conversation is filled with a series of attacks and criticisms, the chances of having a fruitful result are negligible and it’s only likely to put them on the defensive side. It’s easy to react overwhelmingly if your partner is in a disagreement with you but not losing your temper and maintaining the flow is the key. So, consider taking control over your anger in case the conversation turns hostile as it will only aggravate the situation.
Just venting your problems to your partner isn’t enough as eventually a solution can only be found through adequate action. A better approach would be to take your partner’s opinions into consideration and work with them to find a solution. This will not just help find a solution but also empower your partner.
While it can be really tempting to sweep things under the carpet to maintain peace and calm, avoiding important conversations could actually cause more harm than good as bottled up emotions will find one way or the other to come out and lead to harsh arguments.
So ladies, here’s how you can effectively put your point across without tarnishing your relationships.