Relationships are complicated, but insecurity makes them more complicated. The overwhelming urge of being recognised or getting our needs met and yet not being able to say how to pursue it, creates within us the urge of feeling insecure. That’s when we seek solace in things which are often harmful for us – drugs, alcohol and so on. Psychologist Nicole LePera, a few days back, addressed the issue of insecurity and how to overcome it with an elaborate post. Nicole broke down the situations which lead to the growth of insecurity, what it does to a person, and finally how it can be defeated.
Nicole added that our initial relationships determine our emotional development. When we are growing up, we reflect in us the emotions which we feel through our relationships. When we do not feel heard or loved enough, it creates in us insecure attachment. Insecurity branches out from this insecure attachment. This further leads to the feeling of low self-worth, and that’s when we start to find connections outside of ourselves – through another person, shopping, possessing materialistic items, or worse, through drugs and alcohol to numb our brain temporarily.
“At the core of insecurity is: I don’t know how to get my needs met. I struggle to soothe myself and my emotions control me because of this,” Nicole quoted. She wrote that, this feeling leads to internal anxiety and resentment, which further leads to anger. ” When you meet or see a person who seems filled with rage, the insecurity is so high because more often than not their needs were overlooked or ignored,” wrote Nicole.
She also noted down the ways of coping with insecurity. She wrote that entitlement is the other alternative of insecurity. When we start believing that the world owes me or that our feelings come before anyone else’s, we start being in the survival mode.