Are you always too nice to others? Stop people pleasing and prioritise self-care

It's good to be kind and sweet to others, especially someone you love. But being too nice in a relationship can do more harm than good.
Happy couple
Being too nice in a relationship may not always be good for you. Image courtesy: Adobe Stock
Natalia Ningthoujam Published: 14 Jul 2023, 12:00 pm IST
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When people are too nice, it’s mostly got to do with a genuine desire to help and please others. It is a heart-warming trait, but it’s not always right to be too nice for your own good. Such people have a tendency to neglect personal boundaries, they have fear of disappointing others and find it hard to say ‘no’ when they disagree with something or when a request exceeds their capabilities or boundaries. They rely heavily upon opinions of others. Clearly, all this is not healthy and being too nice in a relationship can even kill it!

To find out how being nice can affect a relationship, Health Shots checked with psychotherapist, life and business coach Dr Chandni Tugnait.

happy couple
Don’t be always too nice with your partner. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

What does it mean to be too nice?

Being too nice is a behavioural pattern where people consistently prioritise the needs and desires of others while neglecting their own, explains Dr Tugnait. It can lead to an imbalance in personal relationships and overall well-being. So, it is important to find a balance between kindness and self-care.

Reasons why being too nice is bad for a relationship

Being too nice in a relationship mostly tends to end negatively. Here are some reasons:

1. Lack of self-individuality

When one person in a committed relationship is extremely nice, that person runs the risk of losing their sense of self. They lose themselves in the process as their partner’s life and accomplishments cast a shadow over them, says the expert. Maintaining a strong sense of self is very important for personal happiness and a healthy, balanced relationship.

2. Suppression of choices

When you don’t express your opinion on anything and simply agree with your partner’s views to keep them pleased, you begin to bottle-up your own feelings and choices. It can be as small as deciding which food to eat.

3. Emotional neglect

When someone is overly focused on pleasing their partner, they might end up neglecting their own emotional needs. By constantly prioritising their partner’s emotions, they might fail to address their own feelings and emotional well-being. Over time, this can lead to emotional exhaustion and a sense of neglect, says the expert.

4. Unequal power dynamics

Being excessively nice can create an imbalance in power dynamics within the relationship. A person who consistently prioritises their partner’s needs might unknowingly give away their personal power, leading to an unhealthy dependency. Equal power dynamics are crucial for maintaining mutual respect and a sense of equality.

couple in love
Prioritising your partner’s needs all the time isn’t healthy. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

5. Lack of boundaries

When one person keeps giving in to others’ demands and giving up their own desires, it can lead to resentment and frustration. Establishing healthy boundaries ensures that needs of both the people in the relationship are met and respected.

6. Communication problems

Being too nice can sometimes hinder open communication in a relationship. When one person constantly seeks to please the other, they might avoid expressing their concerns or engaging in difficult conversations. This lack of honest communication can create misunderstandings and prevent the resolution of underlying issues.

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7. Difficulty in conflict resolution

Excessive niceness can make it challenging to address and resolve conflicts effectively. The fear of confrontation and desire to maintain harmony might prevent necessary discussions and the resolution of underlying issues. Healthy relationships are all about open and honest communication.

8. Enabling negative behaviour

Constantly accommodating and being too nice can enable negative behaviour in a partner. By always forgiving and making excuses for their actions, the person might reinforce patterns that are harmful or toxic.

9. Unrealistic expectations

When you establish the practice of placing your partner before yourself, you also grow some irrational expectations of how you treat them and expect them to return the favour, which ultimately breaks your heart.

10. Lack of authenticity

When someone constantly tries to please their partner, they might suppress their true thoughts and feelings to avoid conflict. This can lead to a lack of authenticity and genuine connection in the relationship.

The notion of being kind in a relationship or any other social situation has been ingrained in women since time immemorial. But women need to quit being too nice to become more independent and lead fulfilling lives and relationships.

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About the Author

Natalia Ningthoujam has written on various subjects - from music to films and fashion to lifestyle - as a journalist in her career that started in 2010. After getting stories from the crime scene, police headquarters, and conducting interviews with celebrities, she is now writing on health and wellness which has become her focus area. ...Read More

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