The year 2020 brought its fair share of upheavals globally in almost all areas of life. Apart from affecting the economy and physical health, the next greatest-impacted sphere was mental health and wellness. People lost their jobs, survival for a lot of people became a focal point if not altogether questionable, and above all, most relationships underwent a major transformation.
The hardest hit though were singles. It’s hard enough being single under normal circumstances, and so it was even harder during covid times. There’s only so much Netflix and ice-cream one can indulge in!
Let’s face it, being single–especially when you really desire to be in a partnership–is one of the toughest challenges there is. The term for such a vague, deep longing or sadness has sometimes been called an ‘ambiguous loss’. You know you’re missing something deeply, and yet it could appear any way in your life, and you don’t even know what exactly to expect.
So how does one deal with something like this, you might ask?
1. Change your perspective about being single: Most people who are single, are not so by choice. For those who choose to be, bravo and well done for being comfortable in your skin. For the others, please realize that being involved with someone, and being single are simply two sides of the same coin. Both situations have their own challenges and benefits. Please look at the entire package when you desire to be in a relationship, and pragmatically see how this works for you. Perhaps you’re not that bad off as you thought, after all!!
2. Know yourself well enough first: Being single is often a subconscious choice, no matter how much you think you want one consciously. Ask yourself what part of you is not willing to share itself with another at a very deep level. You’ll very often find a certain unwillingness to adapt to the other or a lack of flexibility. It’s important at this stage to not judge yourself but to understand that rigidity in any perspective is born out of fear of being hurt (again!). There could be some underlying trauma there that you’re not yet aware of.
3. Value the freedom that you have while you have it. Imagine if every time you had to go somewhere or do something or take a decision, you had to check with someone. Now while the joy of having a significant other is always welcome, very often people forget to compute the answerability and adaptation to the other that comes with being part of a couple. We believe that we’ll have a special someone who will allow us to do what we want, when we want and how we want. However it’s not always that romantic. They will have their needs and nuances too, and you will have to be willing to make adjustments and accommodations to their wishes too. Be extremely sure of how much you are really willing to adapt and only then zero in on someone as a likely candidate for you.
4. Don’t be afraid of making you the most valuable proposition for yourself. By this I mean, don’t be afraid of taking that solo holiday. Don’t be afraid of going and sitting at a restaurant, a movie theatre or at a bar alone. The people you are afraid of will judge you secretly and envy you, but will never admit it.
5. Be whole first: When you are whole – and by that I mean emotionally sound – only then do you attract an equally emotionally sound partner. No one completes you. Only you can do that for yourself. So work on being a healthier and happier you, and then watch how by magic, the right person shows up at your doorstep, when you aren’t looking.