There’s no greater joy than experiencing a sweet romance. No, we don’t mean the whirlwind kind that you see in movies, but something more real where two people open up to each other and share their lives.
What’s important to remember is that relationships are not just about sharing positives, but also expressing vulnerabilities, and sometimes that brings out our insecurities. This could happen, especially in case of those who have undergone childhood trauma or unstable familial relationships. With some people, it comes out as self-sabotaging behaviour!
When that happens, it could threaten the potential of a relationship that could have grown into something wonderful. The idea is to choose to see relationships as opportunities to work on ourselves and repair old wounds, instead of damaging what you have.
You might not think of this behaviour as harmful at all, but it could affect your relationship in multiple ways.
Of course, since you choose to live in the past and are always thinking of something, it is difficult for you to enjoy the present. When you overthink all the time, you do not experience dating in its best form. That means even when you are with your partner, your thoughts waver and keep going back to what happened in the past, leaving him feeling neglected.
This is the biggest repercussion of self-sabotaging behaviour. When you overthink all the time, it is easy for you to jump to conclusions at the drop of a hat. You view everything in a negative light, and start to suspect your partner. This obviously leads to frequent arguments, and can further weaken your relationship.
Obsessing over every little thing makes it difficult for you to connect with your partner, and in the process, also brings down your self-esteem. Your partner constantly feels anxious and tries to please you, but things don’t go well. In the end, you don’t feel as connected with them, because you are struggling with your own emotions.
It is most likely that because of your trauma, you’d want to be in control of anything, even your relationships. But remember, love is about letting go, and you can’t connect deeply with your partner, until you show your vulnerable side. So, stop trying to keep your heart wrapped up and locked in a casket, because it won’t help you in any way.
Ladies, if you are struggling with these issues, then it’s never too late. You could always learn to communicate your feelings with your partner. It is also important to deal with the unresolved trauma, which is why seeking professional guidance is important.