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We’ve heard it enough already, haven’t we? That love is about compromises – or as Sima Taparia of ‘Indian Matchmaking’ says, “adjustments and compromises”! Well, not always, and at least one should have boundaries about compromises in a relationship.
Being expected to or expecting your partner to discontinue doing something that a person enjoys, isn’t one bit reasonable.
“If you love me, you’ll stop eating non-vegetarian”. “If you love me, you’ll quit that job”. “If you love me, stop talking to that person”. These are some common things people tend to say or expect in a relationship. But the question is why can’t we let the other person be himself or herself? Why do we try to change them?
One of the most important questions to ask is, “Will the relationship improve or worsen if we compromise or force a person to compromise?”
Psychiatrist Dr Sarthak Dave shared his thoughts via Instagram, on the feasibility of trying to make your partner compromise in a relationship.
According to the expert, if you compromise on your own desires or habits for your partner, you may expect them to go an extra mile for you at one point or another. If they fail to meet your expectations, you are bound to have a grudge. Eventually, all the anger will get bottled up and will get released one way or another This will become a chain of arguments and increased distance, becoming a sign of an unhealthy or toxic relationship. So, it’s better to neither compromise, nor make your partner compromise.
You have to understand that your goals are as important as your relationship. It’s preferable to keep your personal and professional life separate. Your dreams are as important as your partner’s. In a healthy relationship, you should support each other’s endeavours, no matter what they are. Know that a good partner will always support you with your ambitions and won’t ask you to compromise with your dreams. And you should do the same.
In a good relationship, your partner will support you in keeping your friendships and taking care of your family. If your partner doesn’t like your friends or family or wants you to cut ties with them, this is a big red flag that you shouldn’t neglect! If you find them taking control of your life, it’s better to get away with the relationship.
We’re are different and so our likes and dislikes. It’s not always possible that what you like to do in your free time is the same as what your partner would like. Just because your partner isn’t into something, doesn’t mean you have to stop doing it. You both have a right to enjoy your alone time. There should be freedom to pursue your interests. If you both respect each other’s interests, you’ll probably have a stronger relationship.
Too much dependence on others can sometimes leave you feeling helpless and unworthy. If your partner feels they must constantly be there for you, it may also restrict your relationship. Make sure you enjoy your independence, especially when it comes to money. Being financially independent as a married woman is very important. You don’t have to compromise on your independence to save your relationship. Here, independence can also mean having one’s own ‘me space’. It can make a big difference.
The brief time spent apart from your partner and family restores your thoughts, provides you enough energy and optimism, and prepares you to assist one another when you need it. There should categorically not be any compromise in a partnership about independence.
It’s very important for every individual to stay who they are. You might end up changing the person by making them compromise, but that’s not going to let them be happy. And without their happiness, it’s unlikely that you will be happy either. Little adjustments which don’t alter your individuality can still be allowed.