Are you self-sabotaging your relationship? 6 things to check before it gets worse

A lot of things we do unconsciously in the name of love may actually be sabotaging your relationship. Check out this checklist!

Mental health tips for women
Don't self-blame. Image courtesy: Shutterstock
Vanshika Sharma Published on: 16 August 2022, 21:27 pm IST
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Sometimes, we can become our own roadblock on the way to a happier relationship. It can be our own little ways of escaping the emotional pain that comes with a likely heartbreak. But at times, over-guarding yourself can keep you away from experiencing the real roller-coaster that love can be! Do you know what sabotaging your relationships looks like?

Well, simply put, self-sabotage refers to actions or ways of thinking that hold you back from achieving your goals – personally or professionally. Negative self-talk, in which you tell yourself that you are inadequate or unworthy of love or success, frequently serves as the catalyst for self-sabotage. You start to get thoughts such, “You can’t do that!”, “You are not deserving of that.”, “and you’ll probably end up failing if you try, regardless”.

UK-based psychologist Dr. Lalitaa Suglani delved into this important emotional subject of self-sabotage while dating, offering some basic relationship tips.

Relationship tips
It takes two to ace love! Image courtesy: Shutterstock

According to the expert, sabotaging your relationship can from a place of fear, but there should be no room for fear in a healthy bond.

“As a result, we subconsciously orchestrate scenarios to prevent this familiar type of relationship distress. To manage these behaviours, it is important for us to understand where it comes from and each of us will have a different reason as we are all different,” writes Dr Suglani, asserting that it happens unconsciously.

Most of the time, we are unaware that we are self-sabotaging. We seem to be stuck in a cycle where we end up questioning ourselves and sometimes, unknowingly we become our relationship’s worst enemy.

6 ways you may be sabotaging your relationship:

1. By projecting qualities you think they may find attractive

The foundation of any relationship is honesty. But sometimes we strive to present an image of ourselves that we are not, in order to look nice in front of our partner or potential partner. Trust is essential for a successful relationship. Being consistently honest with someone lets them know they can rely on you and on what you say. Remember that you cannot continue to pretend to be someone that you are not for a long time.

2. By building castles in your head

If you are not seeing your partner for who they are, and rather for what you want them to be, while creating scenarios in your mind of how things can be, that’s a bummer!

Acceptance encourages greater connection and caring in your relationship. That’s what keeps it strong(er). Expecting your partner to behave in a certain way or visualizing idealistic scenarios in your head won’t help you have a great relationship; instead, it will make you unhappy in it. You’ll never be satisfied, which will force you to sabotage your own efforts. Reduce your expectations for a happier ever after.

Expectations in relationships
Keep your expectations in check! Image courtesy: Shutterstock

3. By ignoring red flags

While in a relationship, there may be many red flags that you can notice, yet you may find making reasons to convince yourself that everything is fine. We ignore all the red flags and make excuses for them because we believe our intuition to be incorrect. As a result, we act in denial and go about life as if nothing is wrong. Sure, that’s always easier to do so than to deal with the pain of conflict. However, ignoring red flags can be toxic and may lead you into sabotaging your relationship yourself.

4. By believing you can ‘fix’ them or change them to suit your needs

It’s not a good idea to enter into a relationship by expecting your partner to change. It’s a human tendency that nobody can be changed easily. And why should you? Yes, it’s necessary to discuss problems openly and work towards a solution together to prevent them from festering, but you can’t count on them to change the way you want them to.

5. By not communicating your needs and desires

Communication is the key. Without telling them, you can’t expect your partner to understand what you desire. Since the other person won’t know what you want until or unless you tell them, you must be open and honest about your wants and desires. Otherwise, don’t expect and be upset.

Communication in relationship
Keep your communication channels open. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

6. By going at the person’s pace despite not feeling the same

Everything is fine as long as the couple is on the same page regarding timing and expectations. So, if you and your partner are prepared to take your relationship seriously after three or four months, go for it. A quicker pace might be suitable for your relationship as long as you’re both ready and in agreement. However, if you and your partner choose a different pace for your relationship—for instance, if you desire a slower pace and your partner a little faster—this can be cause for concern. You should let them know about it and come to a decision together. Otherwise, you leave room for resentment.

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About the Author
Vanshika Sharma Vanshika Sharma

A budding journalist, I have a different perspective in life which is largely positive and vibrant. I like putting down my thoughts on different topics, especially on healthy lifestyle and mental well-being.

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