Are you the overgiver in your relationships? Here’s how to stop

Published on: 18 May 2022, 20:35 pm IST

Are you always questioning if you are over-giving in your relationships? Here are some reasons why this happens, and ways to not do it.

Manasvi Jain
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overgiving
If overgiving in a relationship is sucking the happiness from your life, stop it! Image courtesy: Shutterstock
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Giving and caring is an essential part of relationships. There is no harm in making efforts for your loved ones or going above and beyond for them, at times. In fact, it is one of the ways how most people tend to say “I love you”. But it becomes a problem, when in the name of love, you start giving so much that you lose yourself in the process. It’s called overgiving in a relationship.

If making efforts make you expect things or gestures in return and if you are sacrificing your own plans or relaxation time (you don’t have time to do the things that you love, anymore), and not spending time with your own friends, it is clear that you are showing signs of an over-giver.

unhealthy relationship
Don’t manipulate in relationships. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Reasons that make you overgiving in a relationship

1. You think you need to do it to make the relationship work

Always remember that is it not only your duty to keep the relationship going. A good relationship requires both to make mutual efforts. If only one is over-giving, then that person is bound to feel disheartened. According to Dr. Kamna Chhiber, a renowned Psychologist at Fortis Healthcare, “If a person feels that they need to make so and so efforts to make a relationship work or to satisfy their partner, they need to evaluate the quality of their relationship.”

Also, read: Meditation can even improve relationships, says experts

2. Fear of negative comments from the other person

“If there are negative comments associated with you ‘not doing as much’ from the other person and this is pushing you to be overgiving and it is not coming from within you then, you need to evaluate if this is a healthy space for you to be in or not,” Dr Chibber told Health Shots. The expert asserted that you will only be happy about making efforts for the other person, if you do it out of love and not compulsion.

healthy relationship
Both partners need to work hard for a healthy relationship. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

3. The tendency of being generous

Some people are naturally generous in their relationships and feel extremely happy by going above and beyond for the other person. “If it is coming from within you in a spontaneous manner and doesn’t throw you in an emotional upheaval or doesn’t make you ignore your daily life, then continuing with that is not a problem,” says Dr Chibber.

If all this fits your situation, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are in a toxic relationship because in most cases these issues stem from within, without any involvement of the other person.

What to do if overgiving is making you anxious or unhappy in your relationships

  1. Don’t feel like it is only your responsibility to make the relationship work. Every relationship works with mutual efforts, admiration, and respect for each other.
  2. Introspect and evaluate if this behaviour is stemming from some sort of fear caused by past experiences, then work on that it first.
  3. Before doing something, take a step back and think if this is really required or not and whether it will add to the quality of the relationship.
  4. Be happy in your own company. A relationship is just a part of your life, don’t make it your whole life. Spend some time with yourself, doing the things that you enjoy.

Make yourself happy first and that you will automatically spread your energies to the people around you, making your relationships blissful.

Manasvi Jain Manasvi Jain

Manasvi Jain is a young, passionate writer exploring the world of health and wellness

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