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Always seeking validation from others? 5 ways to stop and take control of your life

Published on:5 January 2021, 17:47pm IST
Not seeking validation will make you more responsible and accountable for your personal and professional life.
Nikita Bhardwaj
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Don’t let what others think decide what you need to do with life. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

All of us are guilty of constantly posting every update about our lives on social media. Have you wondered why we indulge in this behaviour? The answer is actually quite simple- we like the appreciation we receive from others. It not only boosts our confidence but also satisfies our ego.

Let’s be honest, we all like a little validation from people around us. It isn’t all that harmful and can also be healthy in certain situations. The problem, however, arises when we start depending on others for making decisions about our lives.

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If this is the sort of turn your personality development takes, you will never feel confident about your choices. You will constantly search for someone to give you the go-ahead about things that affect your life.   

But why do people seek validation from others? 

Well, according to Dr Rahul Khemani, a psychiatrist from Wockhardt Hospital, Mumbai there are two key causes responsible for it: 

1. A lot depends on a person’s family and the environment in which they grow up. People who grow up in a strict environment look for validation all the time. All their decisions are taken either by their parents or guardians. They never get a chance to learn from their own mistakes.

2. Anxiety also plays a major role. “We need to understand that anxiety comes from fear. This usually happens when you work in a high-pressure workplace. The fear of doing something wrong troubles you so much that you need someone to look at your work before you can find the courage to submit it. Due to this, you lose confidence in yourself. In my opinion, it is the biggest roadblock professionally,” suggested Dr Khemani.

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Here are five ways you can fix the need to seek validation:

We need to understand the difference between what is healthy and unhealthy. We can’t eliminate the desire to be appreciated by those around us but we can ensure we don’t depend on it entirely. You can do so in these five ways:

1. Trust yourself

“Whenever you are in doubt, just remember the golden rule which is – always think of your problem as something your friend has come up with. Now, think about the advice you would have offered to him or her. Apply the same to yourself. It will boost your confidence and will help you develop trust in yourself,” recommended Dr Khemani.

2. Stop comparing yourself with others

We need to stop comparing ourselves with others because not everyone is a great decision-maker. There is nobody who is flawless. People learn from their mistakes and that’s why you should feel free to commit some.

3. Be aware of your actions

Every action has a reaction. Evaluate the pros and cons of the decision you are planning to make. This will also improve your decision-making skills and you might not have to seek any validation from anyone.

4. Practice self-love

Believing in yourself and accepting your flaws is the best way to work on yourself. You need to work on your skills in order to improve but there’s no need to be hard on yourself if you’re taking more time than intended.

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5. Don’t measure yourself on the basis of social media likes

Social media is like a bubble. People only reveal the best part of their lives but never tell you what’s pulling them down. So, enjoy it but don’t let it get to your head.

There’s no harm in seeking advice but you should never reach a point where you have to depend on others to make your own decisions.

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Nikita Bhardwaj Nikita Bhardwaj

Six-pack abs are all that Nikita needs, along with her daily dose of green tea. At Health Shots, she produces videos, podcasts, stories, and other kick-ass content.