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7 ways to fix a toxic relationship according to a psychologist

Published on:11 October 2020, 11:30am IST
Toxic relationships can leave you feeling raw and unsatisfied. And it is best to end such relationships, if your partner is willing to work with you, can turn things around.
Anuja Kapur
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If you and your partner work together, you can salvage your relationship. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Usually people assume that toxic relationships are a lost cause and it is better to do without them. But that isn’t always true, because every case is not the same.

The prime factor that helps decide whether a toxic relationship is worth saving is if both the partners are ready to alter their ways. If only one partner is invested in creating healthy patterns, there is very little probability that the relationship will mend ways. 

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It is a given that most toxic relationships often exist as an outcome of longstanding issues which have not ever been talked about or resolved. If a couple is willing to work on repairing a toxic relationship, they need to understand that this process will take time, patience, and due diligence to work successfully.

Toxic dynamics of most relationships can be patched with motivated efforts, time, and self-awareness. Here are some things you can do to fix your toxic relationship:

1. Invest in yourself

A couple needs to exhibit an attitude of willingness and acceptance to invest in mending the relationship towards healthier days. Hence, communication in a civil manner is essential to clear the air and start anew.

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It is crucial to set aside a regular period of time to invest and nurture the battered relationship. The process of reconstructing a worn relationship renders you a good opportunity to reassess about how you feel for each other and the aspects of the relationship.

2. Take responsibility of your actions

Identifying past episodes and behaviour that have hurt the relationship is essential on both ends. The self acceptance clearly reflects involvement from both the parties and helps to assist the relationship rise from the ashes.

It’s crucial to be ever present and involved during difficult conversations. Partners need to acknowledge their role in breeding the toxicity in their relationship. Basically you have to reckon and take responsibility for your own actions.

3. Move on from the blame game

There will be a way ahead in the relationship if the central focus is steered away from the blame game and towards trying and understanding each other. The more you learn about each other, the more comfortable you will be in the relationship.

It’s important for each of you to individually determine what you need from the relationship and where your boundaries lie.

4. Let the past rest

Try and resist the temptation to constantly refer back to the negative scenarios between you and your partner. Although the process of mending the relationship will require addressing past events, the past should carry less or no weight in the building of your new future.

5. Be compassionate towards your partner

If you ever feel like blaming your partner for the problems you face in life, quickly take a few steps back and rethink your steps to move forward. Face the problems head on and try to be compassionate with your partner.

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It is possible that he or she is going through a few problems and they might be suffering at their workplace, are troubled with a family issue, or are burdened with other factors that are not normal in life. The problems you are going through should not be a catalyst or an excuse for your unruly behaviour.

6. Time is of the essence

Good things take time. It may take months or even years but you have to keep on working together while being flexible and patient with each other.

7. Couples therapy can help

Couples therapy is always a good idea to help mend the broken ways in which your relationship was working. Going through with this thought can be cardinal to serving the relationship with a new life.

Fixing a toxic relationship is everything but easy, but with the right perseverance and driven efforts possible from both parties it is quite possible to reach a positive result over time.

Make sure you have an equal buy-in from your partner and keep a regular check if substantive alterations are taking place as you do the work. Never forget, everybody deserves to be in a thriving, blessed relationship that provides comfort like no other.

4 Comments

  1. My husband and I we experiencing problems we fight a lot since .arch and hes cheating and that’s what makes us fight a lot and it affects our kids

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Anuja Kapur Anuja Kapur

Anuja Kapur is a renowned Psychologist, with a specialisation in criminal psychology and victimology.