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The desire to become a ‘parent’ is very natural and it’s common too. We are born to continue humans, and this should happen naturally. The realization when the same is not possible naturally, often comes with a feeling of negativity, frustration, and feeling guilt. In the current scenario infertility has become a social issue more than a biological one. The people experiencing infertility, some go for fertility treatments or consider adopting children while some choose to live without having a child. If anyone is going through any such medical condition and feels stuck, frustrated or feels helpless, trust you are not alone in this. There are many people going through fertility issues and people do not talk about it. The bright side of this is that we are in a time where through advanced technology, we can beat fertility issues.
However, everything needs time. Few see positive results fast and others take time. Fertility shouldn’t make you feel less and not worthy. Society and expectations are going to be there, that is not going to change. If something can change, it is how you see yourself, how you accept yourself and how you want to live your life even after having fertility issues and expectations. Keeping the mind and body healthy is the only thing that can help people to sail through difficult times and cope with infertility. How do we achieve that?
This is one technique which is the best and most important for everyone experiencing negative feelings. A healing journey always starts with accepting ourselves. When we say accepting, it’s the way we are, be it body type, color, our interest, level of knowledge, socio-economic status or be it our fertility status. It is okay to feel bad or miserable because of infertility and it’s natural to feel that way too. But these feelings should not overpower and start affecting day-to-day life. Accept your feelings and while you do so, you can see an opportunity to cope and look for treatment options.
Infertility is not a lonely journey; the feelings are not just you’re feeling. Your partner is also going through similar feelings like you. Of Course the feelings cannot be compared, but they can’t be ignored as well. We always think our problems are more stressful than others and this always makes us a person with apathy. How do we deal with it? Talk to your spouse, have a open conversation where you listen to the feelings and stress they are going through, and help them to cope. Understanding and listening to the partner’s feelings automatically helps you to accept each other.
As mentioned earlier, infertility is a journey of a couple. To make this journey enjoyable and stress-free, it is important that both couple work together. Spend time seeing a fertility expert, discuss the treatment options together, share responsibilities/burden, and plan it the way you both would like to handle or talk to your family and relatives. Planning things together with consent helps in dealing with self and family. You are a team, and a strong team always will be able to manage difficult situations.
We are not experts in deciding what the best treatment for us is. Yes, visiting the fertility expert will give you that clarity and one should definitely plan it. Discussing the options and choosing them based on clinical factors along with the expert helps you to prepare yourself. These discussions and options not just create awareness but also help to start the treatment earlier.
Being infertile and dealing with things associated sometimes can be very much overwhelming. Everyone has their own way of dealing with difficult situations, based on our background and dealing capacity. Consulting a psychologist will help you to talk without any hesitation, it’s a place to share those hidden feelings which are bothering you for long, it helps you to handle things in a better way, and the psychologist also helps you to deal with the negative feelings. A psychologist or a therapist can help you to start loving yourself, accept yourself and thus empower you to deal with society.
Trying to conceive for so long may have made intimacy “forced” for you. Try to make your partner feel better sexually and emotionally. Start with a small plan for example a regular walk, movies, hangouts where you can try talking about something that interests you both or plan a hobby together. These small things help you distract from the infertility issue, and you can maintain a healthy relationship with your partner.
There are many people who give you advice and support about infertility. But sometimes you may feel they don’t understand your situation completely and the things they say often don’t help you. Isn’t it good to find people who are on a similar journey like you? That is where Fertility Support Groups come to rescue. These groups have those people who are in the same situation as you, understand your condition as it is and feel exactly how you feel. Due to this kind of situation, you can connect with them better than anyone else. These groups not only help to cope, but also help to live a positive life with the body and mind.
It is important to know that there is hope. Whether it’s through assisted reproductive technologies or through any other means, you still can become parents if you want to. But the first step towards this goal always starts with self-love and acceptance. And you must make moves to achieve that. Everything needs time and time is the best healer too. Give yourself time, give your relationship time and give time to consult a fertility expert to know your clinical condition as well. Loving yourself and accepting yourself is the best way to keep healthy.