That’s the thing about life before you put a ring on it: You are actually so innocent, you probably just think that marital pressure is about having to manage a 20-kg lehenga, 5-kg jewellery, and 6-inch heels while looking your absolute best and blushing throughout.
Sorry to break your bubble, naïve girl, but you’ve also got to think about having to live with your 80-kg husband and his 1000-kg family members and relatives too! From adjusting to a new environment altogether to dealing with the irritation of sharing a bed or a bathroom with a new person to dealing with taunts or coldness from in-laws, and unfortunately, even some in-house politics; marriage can get the better of you.
These challenges can be quite overwhelming, so much so, that your mental health could go completely off track. In fact, a 2016 study conducted at the University of Kentucky reported that many women were likely to get depressed post tying the knot. Another study conducted two years later reached the same conclusion, only to motivate us to get you all set to face the challenge like a boss without hampering your mental health. Here’s what you can do to deal with the pressures of life after marriage:
Give yourself a reality check before life gives you one: All the wedding-planning time with bae, trousseau shopping with family, pampering sessions with friends, romantic courtship dates with fiancé, and the unprecedented attention from everyone around you from the time you’re hitched can be quite difficult to let go off once you set foot in your new house. Once the games and the fun is over, the reality of getting up every day and taking on the responsibility of managing your house can be quite a change to deal with. Yep, marriage isn’t as glamorous as it seems and the first step to stop the reality from biting you afterwards is to familiarize yourself with it from the beginning of your courtship as well. If you’ve missed the boat and have already entered the post-marriage-blues phase, you still have time to tell yourself that life after marriage does change.
That bumpy phase may not be forever: Come on, girls! You’ve been uprooted from your comfort zone of decades. Obviously, it’ll take time and patience to form a new comfort zone in the new house. Nope, you won’t have to stay prim and proper for your new or even judgemental housemates all your life. In fact, it’s okay and well within your rights to slip into comfortable clothing and live the life you want to. In fact, even the heated arguments with your husband will stop eventually once you both figure out each other’s trigger points and find ways to handle each other’s anger. But, this won’t happen overnight so be patient, okay?
Communicate: “Lack of communication can result in couples lacking understanding, being inconsiderate, and becoming distant from each other,” points out Dr. Gorav Gupta, psychiatrist, Tulsi Health Care, New Delhi.
“Communication is the key to a healthy and successful marriage and sharing your thoughts, opinions, and feelings respectfully with your partner will help you deal with the stress and pressure that you might be facing,” he adds.
Be attentive to others: Ladies, chances are that just like you, even your partner and his family may be having a difficult time adjusting with a new family member in the house. In this case, you’ve got to allow them some time to understand you. If you notice, they have a problem expressing their feelings, you can perhaps, be a little more considerate and try to lend a patient ear to encourage them to express their feelings according to Gupta.
Spend time with your main man: Not only is it therapeutic to spend quality time with the man you love, it can even take away the stress that you might be feeling in the house. Movie dates, long walks, romantic drives, quiet dinners—anything that allows you both to spend time together and understand each other better should be good.
But remember, you’re your priority: While it’s great to try to make your new family and partner happy, it sucks to forget your own happiness in the process. So, do what makes you happy. That hobby, that kickass workout in the gym, your work—don’t let go off what makes you happy. Additionally, Gupta recommends eating healthy, exercising regularly, and sleeping well to maintain good mental health.