5 reasons why keeping secrets in a relationship can ruin it

You might think that what you aren't telling your partner is a small thing. But if this happens and you start keeping secrets in your relationship, it will only ruin your bond with your partner.
Don't keep secrets in a relationship
Don't keep secrets in a relationship. Image courtesy: Adobe Stock
Natalia Ningthoujam Published: 27 Feb 2023, 12:00 pm IST
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When people start a romantic relationship, they want it to last for long. Some might even think that they need to keep secrets to survive in the relationship. Being honest and opening up to a partner is all about confidence, comfort and trust. If these three important factors are missing, then naturally, you start keeping secrets. In fact, some don’t even like to discuss topics like money issues or habits. Keeping a secret isn’t healthy as it can ruin a relationship. Find out why you should not keep secrets from your partner.

HealthShots connected with Dr Chandni Tugnait, a psychotherapist, life and business coach, to know about the side effects of keeping secrets in relationships.

keeping secrets in a relationship
Keeping secrets can ruin your relationship. Image courtesy: Adobe Stock

Reasons why couples keep secrets

Couples may keep secrets from one another for different reasons. Some of them are:

• Fear of judgement
• Criticism
• Embarrassment
• Uncertainty or frustration with the relationship
• Lack of time to discuss issues
• Avoiding difficult subjects
• Wanting to protect themselves from potential hurt.

Dr Tugnait says that couples may also feel too embarrassed or ashamed to open up about certain topics to avoid appearing weak or vulnerable. They need to be open and honest with each other if they want to build trust and maintain healthy communication. It may be easy to keep a secret if a couple spends little time together due to distance or other life commitments. Keeping secrets can harm relationships as it can lead to feelings of distrust and loneliness.

How keeping secrets can ruin a relationship?

Maintaining a healthy relationship is not always easy. And if secrets come in the way then it doesn’t take long to form cracks in the relationship.

1. Loss of trust

When one partner keeps secrets from the other, it can lead to mistrust, suspicion and insecurity in the relationship. Without trust, it can be difficult for the couple to communicate openly and honestly, says the expert.

2. Resentment

Keeping secrets often leads to resentment, as one partner may feel that they are not being heard or taken seriously by the other. This can also lead to bitterness, anger, and frustration, as one partner may think their feelings are not valued or appreciated by the other.

3. Unmet needs

If one partner hides essential information, it can be difficult for both the partners to express their needs and desires. As a result, these needs may go unmet, leading to further dissatisfaction and hurt feelings between both partners.

keeping secrets in a relationship
Lack of communication can create tension within a relationship. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

4. Lack of communication

Secrets can impede communication in relationships as people feel too embarrassed or ashamed to discuss certain topics with their partners. This lack of communication can create tension and misunderstanding within a relationship and make it difficult for couples to solve any issues.

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5. Emotional distance

Keeping secrets from a partner often leads to emotional distance since partners struggle with expressing themselves openly without fear of judgement or criticism from their partner. This can lead to disconnection and alienation between both partners, which is detrimental to any healthy relationship.

Right time to share secrets with your partner

You might be too busy or your partner might not be available when you want to talk. So, the right time to share secrets with your partner is when both of your feel comfortable and safe enough to do so. It is essential to create an environment where both the partners feel free to voice their thoughts and feelings without fears or insecurities. It may be helpful for couples to set aside specific times or activities, such as dates, weekend walks, or movie nights. Then they can talk openly about any topics that have been bothering them. It is important to remember that communication is a two-way street, and partners should be comfortable listening and responding to each other.

How to be honest to your partner

zWondering how you can be honest with your partner? Here’s what you can do:

• Create an environment of trust and respect by being open, honest, and patient with each other.
• Set aside specific times or activities where you can talk openly about any topics that bother you too.
• Listen carefully to each other’s words and feelings without judgement or criticism.
• Recognise the importance of keeping secrets confidential within the relationship.
• Respect each other’s boundaries when deciding what should stay confidential and what may be shared with others outside of the relationship.
• Speak openly and candidly while still not hurting or offending your partner’s feelings.
• Respect each other’s privacy, and understand that some things may feel too personal or private to be shared.
• Find creative ways to open-up, such as writing each other letters, telling stories, or playing guessing games together.

It’s all about being vulnerable and honest with your partner about your experiences, thoughts and feelings.

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About the Author

Natalia Ningthoujam has written on various subjects - from music to films and fashion to lifestyle - as a journalist in her career that started in 2010. After getting stories from the crime scene, police headquarters, and conducting interviews with celebrities, she is now writing on health and wellness which has become her focus area. ...Read More

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