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Most of us have grown up with an appetite for Bollywood rom-coms, which is why we believe that pyaar and takraar are the only components of a relationship. While these do form an integral part of the equation, life is really not just about song and dance, nor are relationships. Contrary to popular perception, a healthy relationship requires consistent time and effort. This is not just limited to romantic relationships, but also platonic bonds. So, here are some healthy relationship tips for you.
To understand what a healthy relationship really means, we chanced upon an Instagram post by Dr Nicole LePera, also popularly known as The Holistic Psychologist, which takes us through the four components that are non-negotiable for a healthy relationship.
It is important to be aware and delight in the things that make someone feel special or unique. Why does appreciation feel good? That’s because we feel heard or seen. Here’s how it sounds like, “I appreciate how you always stop and admire nature”, “ I appreciate how you are open to so many new ideas”, or “I notice that you are always friendly to strangers, it’s such a sweet thing to do.” Appreciation is gratitude in action within a healthy relationship. Make sure you practice this regularly in your relationships.
It is important to feel safe to disagree, speak your truth, and acknowledge your thoughts/feelings. Difficult conversations can happen, where you both can listen and approach the situation with curiosity, knowing you have goodwill towards each other (not hostility or “I win or keep score mentalities). In case you feel that your nervous system becomes dysregulated, take a short break and return to the conversation later.
It is essential to understand that no single person can meet all of our emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. One should not use any kind of force, manipulation, or coercion to get their needs met. This results in a lack of resentment and empathy for each other. Encouragement to have social support is a good way to get needs met. You can also have relationships outside your relationships to meet certain needs.
Last but not the least, it is critical to have access to the central vagal response where there’s a mutual connection, cooperation, playfulness, and vulnerability. It can be difficult, if a person is stuck in a hyper-vigilant or dissociated (detached) state. In case you are facing trouble, you could always seek help!
So ladies, make sure you follow these healthy relationship tips! Like everything else, relationships take time and effort, and are not necessarily seamless.