Don’t give someone a second chance before considering these 3 factors

Not everyone deserves a second chance in a relationship. Assess your decision based on these 3 factors, and then take a plunge.
feeling lonely
Don't overthink what people say. Image courtesy: Shutterstock
Dr Chandni Tugnait Published: 15 Feb 2022, 09:29 am IST
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Being in a loving relationship is a blissful feeling. However, if there is a conflict or mistake that has influenced your bond in any way, think about it and take action. Everyone doesn’t deserve a second chance in a relationship.

It is essential that you process your emotions correctly, so that you do not get trapped in the pattern of breaking up and getting back together endlessly. More often than not, it is the trauma bond that keeps people hooked to the drama in a relationship.

Of course, we are humans and make mistakes. But you first need to understand, if this is a one-time error, or a pattern. Moreover, it all depends on the main issue for the rift; for instance, in case of chronic lying or cheating, one may not be in a position to forgive the other and build the trust again.

Trust your gut and don’t get swayed by emotions. It is important to be sure, instead of feeling obligated to give them another chance. In case, you feel that there has been a change in action and not just words, you may wish to give it a shot. Focus on all the red and green flags in the relationship, before taking the plunge again. After all, the quality of our relationships impacts every facet of our lives.

Before you give someone a second chance in a relationship, make sure you ascertain the following:

1. Can you forgive them?

This, by far, is the most important step because if you aren’t willing to forgive and look past the mistake, it will be an endless saga of drama and trauma for both in the future. Holding a grudge never does any good. If you are unable to forgive your partner and feel that the mistake is big enough to end the relationship, honour the decision, and don’t get back together.

However, if you do get back and you decide to give a second chance, be sure to start on a clean slate without any grudge, taunts or baggage. Feeling resentful, or fearful and bringing up the same topic over and over again, would make a deeper scar in the relationship and add onto pain for both.

couple fighting
Talk out your differences. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

2. Have they acknowledged and apologized for their mistake?

Is your partner acting like nothing happened? Is he blaming you for being oversensitive or are they genuinely acknowledging the error and apologizing for messing up? The apology has to be genuine, instead of a manipulation or paying lip service. Let them take responsibility for the mess, watch their actions (and not just focus on their words), and accept the apology only when you are clear about your feelings and theirs.

3. Are you both committed to make it work?

The drive to nurture the relationship has to come from both. Authentic communication, compassion, gratitude, honouring personal space, being open about feelings, verbalizing your expectations, making bigger changes, offering, and receiving constructive feedback, and practicing effective conflict resolution are key to a healthy relationship.

couple problems
Both of you need to be on the same page. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

The last word

If the answer to the above questions is ‘yes’, you can definitely give your partner a second chance. However, even if one of them is a ‘no’, ask yourself, “Are you willing to experience the same treatment (or worse) again?”. Simply hoping that things would be different is NOT enough.

In case, you are still unable to decide, consult an expert because this decision would impact your life at all levels. Not everyone can be everything at all times. So, allow people the compassion they deserve while honouring yourself, as well.

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About the Author

Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (Alternative Medicine), Psychotherapist, Life Coach, Business Coach, NLP Expert, Healer, Founder & Director - Gateway of Healing  ...Read More

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