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Sex on the first date: Here’s why you need to let go of the shame

Published on:27 June 2021, 16:00pm IST
Casual sex or sex on the first date is YOUR choice. Here’s why you need to stop worrying about what people will think of you and start your journey towards sexual empowerment.
Devina Kaur
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Trying to delay an orgasm is nothing new! Image courtesy: Shutterstock
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I recently conducted a survey in my community on how likely people are have sex on the first date. Often sex is a taboo topic in our society. And so many people were quite reluctant to partake in the survey. But the responses that came in? Well, they were quite fascinating! 

While many men didn’t see any issue with having sex on a first date, many women said they wouldn’t dare! It’s no surprise that when it comes to women, there is a lot of disempowerement that occurs because of misinformation around sex. Not to mention, not being allowed the agency to have our own opinion about sex also plagues our society. 

Truth be told, sexual pleasure can be extremely empowering, and how you navigate your sexual life is up to you! 

These 5 tips can be the beginning of that empowering sexual journey:

1. How we judge ourselves is exactly how we judge others

According to my survey, many women said ‘no’ because sex on the first date would make them a “hoe” or a “slut”. Having sex on the first date shouldn’t make you feel disparaging. Waiting for the right time is a choice. If there’s no sexual spark, it would never work anyway. Imagine investing time and energy on someone for 5 to 6 weeks or even until marriage, and then falling into bed only to find that there are NO FIREWORKS! To me that would be a waste of my emotions, time and energy. Make your own sexy brilliant decisions, especially as a woman and do what feels right for you!

2. Emotional commitments

Assuming that we are already attached to someone, are we going to be more let down if we are ghosted or are we going to be more hurt after an official break up? Is it worse to have our hearts tampered with after just 24 hours of meeting someone, or after a year? Heartbreak is heartbreak. If we are going to connect with someone sexually, can we enjoy the time without any expectations? It’s something to think about.

sex on the first date
An emotionally healthy relationship is all about being real. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Getting on the dating scene, finding a companion, and sexual relationships are all part of our journey in life.

3. Sexual gratification for both parties is important

Benefits of sex and intimacy are meant to be equal where each partner benefits from the sexual pleasures. Intimacy is a two-way street. For this to happen one must be knowledgeable about oneself. Only you know what your innermost self is in need of at a particular time. Is it a cuddle, is it emotional intimacy or are you just looking for pleasure? Being empowered is about making the right choices for yourself without feeling guilty or ashamed. When you know what you want, you will be able to care for your needs. There is nothing wrong with enjoying sex and intimacy with the one you think is truly deserving of your being and time.

4. Boys want sex, men want intimacy

The sooner we get comfortable with the idea that intimacy may include sex but sex doesn’t always include intimacy the better choices we will be able to make.

Being intimate compels you to be close to someone in a manner that goes beyond what they bring or do for you. Intimacy can be physical but may also manifest spiritually, intellectually, or emotionally. Our intimacy can extend to our family members as well as our social network. Each shared moment in our lives and the interactions we come across produce a level of intimacy that we might be consciously or unconsciously aware of. This is what men ultimately strive for in addition to the act of sex

sex on the first date
Pleasure is one of the best things about being in a human body. Image courtesy: Shutterstock
5. Pleasure is not a dirty word

Ask yourself why sex is demonized? Is it a form of control? Is it simply a religious belief? Ultimately it is your choice whether to have casual sex, but you should be mindful of your own energy. If you have worked on yourself, started your own journey of radical self-acceptance and consequently self-love, then you will attract high vibrations. If you are fully consenting with someone you trust, even casually, a lot can be learned and enjoyed in a non-committal space. 

Sometimes we just need to find moments of pleasure without an attachment. Just know who you are and don’t look for another person to complete you. How someone perceives you after sleeping with them on the first date simply because you wanted to, isn’t going to change their feelings towards you. In fact, first date sex can be quite uplifting for your ego and your sexual confidence. Sex, intimacy and relationships are all part of the human experiences. We need to be able to embrace this part of ourselves. 

We all have choices to make. There are no wrong choices. We all have the freedom to choose what feels best for us at any given time.  Having regrets is a waste of energy and time. Enjoy sexual intimacy. It’s a release, a pre-cerebral human need.

Devina Kaur Devina Kaur

Devina Kaur is an inspirational speaker, radio host, and producer. She is also the author of the self-help book called "Too Fat Too Loud Too Ambitious".