Has your partner been tested for HIV? Here’s how to have THE TALK with him, according to an expert

Updated on:17 January 2020, 18:35pm IST
Thinking of taking your relationship to the next step? Make sure he’s STD-free, first.
Sonakshi Kohli
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It’s important to disclose your HIV status to your partner. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Relationships are like a comfy pair of expensive jeans. They can make you feel a lot happier, but there’s hardcore investment involved too. And just like how initially, the jeans could get stuck at the hip or the waist, every relationship has certain points of obstruction too.

The obstruction that we’re going to talk about right now is that of having the tricky conversation about getting your partner tested against HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) before you take your relationship to the next level of physical intimacy.

“It is important to have a conversation about your safety, when it comes to getting sexually involved with your partner as it can hugely impact your future,” says Dr. Rizwana Nulwala, psychotherapist, Krizalyz Counselling and Mental Health Services, Mumbai. 

Talking about the graveness of the situation, she adds, “STDs are difficult to treat. Some are recurrent and lead to serious long-term health repercussions.”

Also, read: Unwanted pregnancy and STIs: These are the real risks of the pull-out method

Hence, discussing the same with your partner is an absolute must. Here’s how you can do that.

Convey your intention
Not just of getting laid, woman. Of also feeling safe with someone you’re going to be sexually involved with, according to Dr. Nulwala.

A man, who is really concerned about his woman’s safety and concerns will go ahead and take the test.

Also, read: This is how you should be taking care of your sexual health in your 20s

Think about the way you’re going to convey it, though
If you’re thinking of proposing the idea of getting tested, how about doing it rather sweetly? 

On second thoughts, how about a sultry suggestion when you both are in a great mood? Slide it into a conversation instead of being blunt and rude about it. That might make your life easier.

HIV
Have that much-needed conversation before it gets too late. Image courtesy: Shutterstock

Be party to the plan
This one’s a no-brainer. Asking him to get tested alone might seem like you’re trying to question or doubt him. 

To eliminate that from hampering your relationship and well, to ensure your own safety as well, talk about getting tested together. After all, it’s about enjoying things together, right?

Certain signs can give you more confidence to go forth
Ladies, in case you’re planning to have “the talk”, you might find yourself feeling the jitters. However, certain signs can give you the confidence you need to simply ask for what you want. 

“If your partner insists on using protection or seems extra-careful, it could be a sure-shot reason why you should talk about him taking the HIV test,” Dr. Nulwala warns. 

Obviously, his carefulness could mean he is cautious against an unplanned pregnancy, but it might just be more than that in some cases.

Get to know each other’s past
You know how we all tend to have those conversations about each other’s exes at some point in the relationship?

Well, it’s time to bring it on right about now, girl. Not only will this help you get close to him emotionally, but it’ll also give you an idea about how many partners he’s been with and just the perfect opportunity to talk about having him tested, Dr. Nulwala says.

And well, if the plan backfires…
A healthy relationship is all about open communication and respecting each other’s wishes, and safety, of course. If despite knowing this, you still want to be with a man, who takes offense when you ask for him to get tested for HIV and other STDs, you might want to give another thought to continuing things with the egoist, who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about his girl’s safety.

“It takes only one unprotected sexual encounter to contract HIV. So, ask yourself if it is worth being with someone, who will not respect your wishes,” says Dr. Nulwala.

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Sonakshi Kohli Sonakshi Kohli

Twenty kilos down and struggling to maintain the weight loss by preaching healthy eating, while eating unhealthy every now and then.