Is your sex life a big disappointment? Here’s how you can spice it up!

Sex is an interesting subject, and yet we don’t speak much of about it. Isn’t that right? And while the thought of having a steamy session in the bedroom sounds oh-so-exciting, in reality, your sex life could also be a source of disappointment. There are many reasons why your sex life may be faltering.

It could be due to lack of intimacy, especially if you are not getting along with your partner. It could also be that you have different expectations about sex and the frequency of it. Sometimes, not taking time out to talk about your sex life with your partner could also be a big reason. It may also be because of a hormonal issue or a disorder called Hypo Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD).

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Let’s take this opportunity to break down a few why’s and the potential contributing factors that are related to the issue. As mentioned previously, lack of intimacy can be one of the biggest causes of a sucky sex life. Being intimate means being close and working towards creating a meaningful bond with your partner.

 There are different types of intimacy, such as emotional, physical, intellectual, creative, and financial. When you can open up about these areas of your life with your partner and share experiences, it can result in a more meaningful and deep relationship. 

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If you aren’t getting along with your partner regarding everyday subjects, such as work, money, communication, and quality time spent with each other, it is time to think hard, because they can become major causes of contention. When there’s a lack of communication in a relationship, it results in a lack of sex and intimacy. 

Expectations is another biggie, when it comes to sex. The expectations that you may have about sex are: availability, type of sex, consistency of sex, and thinking that your partner should be able to read your mind about what you want in relation to your sexual satisfaction and pleasure. It’s absolutely normal to have expectations, but if these are not in alignment with your partner’s, trouble will definitely brew! 

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Lack of communication: a hindrance?

Lack of communication, when it comes to sex or any other matter will always affect your sex life. Conversely, if you can engage in open and understanding communication, it will do wonders for your sex life. For instance, if you can talk to your partner about your wants, expectations, anxiety, fears, vulnerability, frequency of sex, and your desires, this will help create an open dialogue about what’s important for both of you.  Taking an interest in your partner and opening up the line of communication will give you a better understanding about each other, and in turn, increase intimacy. 

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Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder

Some additional factors that could contribute to the lack of sex in your relationship may be related to hormonal fluctuations or Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). If you think that your sucky sex life is because of a hormonal issue, seek guidance from a medical practitioner. 

HSDD is related to low sexual interest and arousal and/or orgasm difficulties. This could be because of mood, body image, lack of motivation or response regarding sexual stimulation, a situational issue that you are having with your partner. There are certain factors that need to be met in order to be diagnosed with HSDD, so it’s important to speak to a professional about the diagnosis, hormonal testing, and other factors that might be contributing to your waning sex life. 

The key to a happy sex life

There are multiple factors that can contribute to a healthy sex life or one that could use a bit of renewed energy. Look at some of the factors that may be contributing to your situation, and see how you might be able to nurture your relationship. For instance, open up communication, check in with your partner on a regular basis about how they are feeling, make time for them, look at ways of being more intimate and how you engage with each other in and out of the bedroom, and get on the same page about expectations, thoughts, and desires about sex and intimacy. By making some adjustments, you might just see your sex life come alive with renewed energy and excitement!

(The article has been written by Summer Watson, MHS, PhD and Jen Fontanilla, Certified Money Coach, co-hosts of “The Life, Love & Money Show with Summer & Jen”.)