Libido mismatch: What to do if you have a higher sex drive than your partner

In most heterosexual relationships, there is a stereotype that men always want more sex than women— but that isn’t always the case. In fact, the reverse is true in some cases. No matter one’s gender or sexual orientation, a mismatch in libidos is quite a common problem among couples and it is imperative to talk about it.

Sex-positive content creator Leeza Mangaldas, in her latest Instagram post, mentioned the same. “Understanding each other’s desire, figuring out what works well for the both of you, and keeping each of your needs and boundaries in mind can lead to a more fulfilling sexual life,” she captioned the post.

Check it out here:

According to Mangaldas, we are just all a bit different in our needs and wants, and that’s totally okay. She gives quick tips on how to tackle the situation if your partner has a higher libido and sex drive than you.

Tips to manage a higher libido than your partner:

1. Allow each other the space and honesty to figure things out

More often than once, when we talk about sensitive issues, we tend to “avoid hurting the other person”. However, that does not work out in case of mismatched libidos. Try and be as explicit as possible about the specific things you want or not want in your sexual relationship. It’s always easier to be honest and then make amendments accordingly.

2. Do not pressure each other by making the other person feel bad

If you constantly pressure yourself and your partner to match up to a certain sex schedule you have in mind, you will always be let down. With constant efforts to achieve a work-life balance, it is important to realize that it is a two-person relationship. You cannot make the other person feel bad due to their prior personal or professional commitments.

Also, read: Ladies, your low libido maybe because THIS hormone is high! Find out its causes

3. Add self pleasure and/or toys to the mix to ease some of the pressure on both partners

Most couples end up struggling with their sex lives because they have a linear view of what sex is. There is a difference between intimacy and intercourse, and you can always find innovative ways of pleasuring each other or yourself, be it through masturbation or adding sex toys.

4. Do not feel ashamed if one of you feels like you’re done but the other person wants to continue

If one of you is having a sex slump, try and work out the reasons rather than putting the other person off. Never feel ashamed of having a higher libido because physical relations are crucial in any relationship. On the contrary, if your partner is done and you are not, do not feel disheartened and try self-pleasure for that big O.

5. Have no shame in asking for it. It doesn’t mean that either of you are inadequate.

There’s no need to feel guilt or shame if you have a different sex drive to the person you’re with. It is completely okay to have very different libidos which are constantly fluctuating. It is acceptable that most relationships have conflicting sexual desires. But is there a need to be shameful about it? Not at all.

Last, but not the least, always remember that not everyone is having sex more than you. Each person’s sex life and libido is different and it is only you and your partner that can decide it.