Acts of Comfort to Show a Friend You Care

When someone you love is having a difficult time, it can be hard to know what to do. Should you call? Would that bother them? Should you bring a casserole? Do they like casseroles? The questions are endless, and there aren’t always easy answers because everyone grieves and heals differently. But there are a few universals when it comes to relieving the burden of emotional suffering. Here are some tried and true acts of comfort to show a friend you care:

Ask What They Need

Not sure what your loved one needs? Ask. It sounds so simple, yet it can be scary to try to wade into someone’s space when they’re hurting. But the reality is that many people struggling to recover from a challenging time aren’t sure they’ll get the help they want. So they don’t ask. Instead, they may assume they’re unworthy, or that everyone around them is too busy. And it might be a simple act of kindness, like putting in a good word for a new job.

Of course, asking someone who’s in a negative emotional place can often be more complex than simply saying, “How can I help you?” It might just feel like empty words to your loved one at first, like saying, “How are you?” Instead, ask questions about what specific areas of life they’re struggling with. Ask what’s going well. And ask who they have helping them right now. Their answers can give you insight into where you might offer specific help. They’re less likely to turn you down or say they’re “fine” if they’ve already acknowledged they lack the help they need..

Send a Care Package

Of course, you can always send a get well care package in addition to having the difficult conversations. So many people grieving a loss or an unexpected blow find their situations made even worse without their usual creature comforts. When you’re hurting, you can forget to feed yourself, bathe, and take care of the most basic necessities. This is especially true for people who never learned to self-soothe in healthy ways.

A nice care package can include hand-selected items like candles, tissues, bath bombs, soft socks, or a cozy blanket. Or you can order one online that includes homemade soups, cookies, and other treats. There are many options for filling a care package that will make your friend or family member feel loved. The goal is to send items that will remind them to care for themselves.

Hold Space Without Expectations

One thing that doesn’t often get discussed when it comes to comforting someone who’s grieving is how to hold space effectively. It can be really easy to think you’re showing up for the person, when in reality, you may be placing more obligations and expectations on them. They may feel the need to be “fine” for you, or to comfort you in your worry for them. This only makes their grieving process that much harder.

For this reason, it’s important to show up and hold space with zero expectations. Remind your loved one that it’s okay to not be okay. They don’t have to smile, get dressed, or clean the house for you. They can relax and feel their feelings. You’re just there to provide whatever kind of support they need, within your capabilities. This might mean sitting and watching a movie together, taking a walk, or just sitting silently over a cup of tea.

Help Manage Daily Duties

In addition to failing to care for themselves, many people going through a tough time also forget to take care of their daily household needs. When you’re emotionally bereft, the dishes don’t seem to matter, the floors don’t seem that dirty, and the laundry doesn’t need to be cleaned that badly. These tasks may feel trivial and unimportant in the face of your big feelings. Unfortunately, as they pile up, they become mountainous duties that only further hinder your ability to heal.

For this reason, one of the greatest acts of kindness you can give someone to show you care is to help take care of those tasks. You can head over to their house and help clean up. You can pick up their kids from school on certain days of the week or even offer to take the kids for a weekend. Or you can pay for a housecleaning service, after-school care, or meal service. Offering this kind of service can help your loved one move forward with more confidence.

Keep Checking In

Finally, one way to show your loved one you care is to keep showing up. It’s one thing to be the first person to call after a difficult experience. It’s quite another to be the person who keeps calling. Grief and struggle can sometimes take years to overcome, depending on the experience. And without proper support, sadness can become depression. There is no proper timeline for grief, so it’s important to allow your friend or family member to take their time.

That support can be as simple as showing up on a Saturday morning with a cup of coffee. Be clear with your loved one that you recognize that they’re still struggling and that you have compassion for their pain. Offer to attend a grief support group, to help them keep making progress, and to be here for whatever they need. Often, even the most stubbornly independent people will finally accept genuine help from the people who stick around after everyone else has left.

In the end, you can show your loved one that you can in myriad ways. Every option here can be combined and blended into many acts of love, big and small. And that’s what support is, really, big and small acts we take regularly to remind our loved ones that they’re valuable. Today it’s a cup of coffee, tomorrow it’s a morning walk, the next day it’s a simple text. “I’m thinking of you” is sometimes the most powerful expression of support.

Note to the Reader: This article has been created by HT Brand Studio. The information provided is intended solely for informational purposes and does not constitute medical advice or endorsement. Please consult a registered medical practitioner for personalized medical advice or before making any decisions regarding your health conditions or treatment options.